Sunday, January 10, 2016

Don't Call Me Nocciolo

(first published Sunday, October 9, 2011)
“When you order food in EE-taly,” explained Fortunata Testabella, our guide, “the person who prepares the food does not touch the money. Therefore, you stand in ticket line, make your request, pay, take ticket and then go to food line and give them ticket to get food.”
Well, the thought of specialization made sense. After all, Starbucks has the barista preparing drinks and the cashier taking payment. But there are always two lines? Trying to control my enthusiasm at the prospect of standing in line twice, having to conduct two conversations not covered in Italian 101 (Dov’e  aspetto ora?) and failing miserably.
Fortunata Testabella explained it well and we followed her guidance until the day I wanted to buy gelato at a little gelato shop in Rome, near Via Veneto. Looking for the money/food ticket person, I asked the woman behind the counter for two gelatos. (Plurals in Italians are created by changing the final vowels, e.g. a to e and o to i, hence vino vini, focaccia focaccie, gelato gelati, right? I can’t use ravioli for an example because it’s always plural so remember this the next time you says raviolis)
I asked the woman, “Due gelati?” (How wrong can you go asking for two gelatos?) She looked at me. “Two gelatos?”  “Si, certo, grazie, two gelotos.” Here is where I stumbled. I didn’t see cones, only cups, around the counter, and I wanted cones. She held up a cup, not a cone. “Cup?” Since we wanted gelato, it didn’t matter that much in what form it was served, did it? Then somebody else ordered from the other person behind the counter (so much for the money person and the food person!!!) and THEY were offered a cone!! Ooops, changed my mind. “Mi dispiace, ma preferisco uh uh “cono!” This was the worst thing that had happened to Gelato Lady all year. She put the two unsoiled by gelato cups back, and took up two cones to serve us. By the grace of God, she was going to finish this transaction and then go out on stress disability.
Gelato Lady decides to pretend I’m no longer there and proceeds to give my daughter, Sasha, the grand tour of every flavor known to humanity, in English and in Italian. Because she can. The irony of the situation was that Sasha was trying melon and pistachio every place we went.  She said those two flavors went well together and she was creating a mental tasting image of how “melone e pistachio” was in every city. Firenze, Venizia, Roma, Lago Garda and rest stops in between. Because she could. I’m sorry, green and orange ice cream eaten together, deliberately, multiple times?  

"Fragola" she announces. "Strawberry," I whisper to Sasha. Gelato Lady glares at me. "Suhtraberi."  "Cioccolato!" "Chocolate." "Mora!!!" "Blackberry." "VANIGLIA!!" "Vanilla." "Capucchino!" I say nothing. Gelato Lady is now indicating the hazelnut flavor. “Nocciolo” and she doesn’t know the word. “Hazelnut,” I tell Sasha quietly. “Nocciolo….euh euh, nocciolo e NOCCIOLO!!” Gelato Lady has decided there is no word in English for “nocciolo.” So be it. 

How to Travel Like a Wi-Fi Bandit

I travel light, either I check my one suitcase (carry-on size) and carry my laptop and purse, or I have a large leather shoulder bag (into which I stuff my purse) and carry my laptop. When I'm on the plane, I pull the purse out of the shoulder bag and stuff it into the bins. 

When I pack, the shoes (one pair of Asics and the lightest pair of pumps or sandals) go on the bottom of the suitcase and are stuffed full of socks and other small pieces of clothing. On the plane, I wear Dansko clogs (easy on and off through airport security). Two pairs of jeans, one pair of slacks, one skirt, one dress, two-three t-shirts, several long sleeved knits, socks, swimsuit and two nicer tops. Pajama pants, two camisoles, nightshirt and one pair workout pants (not sweats - too bulky - the spandex type). Extra toothbrush in my purse. Jacket (raincoat type) is stuffed on top of everything, I wear a sweatshirt on the plane.

I stuff protein bars in the bag, carry dried tart cherries for jet lag and pumpkin seeds for headaches (altitude, traveling, off-schedule with meals and caffeine input); Fine Cooking, Bon Appetit or Food and Wine plus a language paperback (French grammar anyone?). Before I go on a trip, I ask around and check the webpage of the airline I'm traveling on for travel information, which is how I avoided having to discard big bottles of shampoo when going through security. I read up on the airport I'm landing in (how do you get around and how many terminals are there? Are they connected?), double-check my flight information and look at the airport map in the airline magazine. 

My goal is to stay at hotels actually in the hospitality business (continental breakfast is included and/or there is an airport shuttle). Last October in Portland, we stayed at the Ramada Plaza on RIverside which has an airport shuttle every 30 minutes. In contrast, Spokane's Courtyard by Marriott on North Riverpoint Blvd has no shuttle and no breakfast. There are bottles of water in the rooms with teeny tiny print (I didn't see the teeny tiny print and we drank $7 worth of water.) Yes, I should have noticed it (caveat emptor!!!) but SERIOUSLY??? We were in Spokane for the memorial service of a family member - relatives already were staying there so I chose to stay there to be with family. Oh yeah, internet service worked really well, and the hotel staff offered to call a taxi for me. Wow.

65 Lighthouses Left to See......

(First published Tuesday, October 30, 2012)

Manchester, New Hampshire was the starting point, bleary-eyed and foggy-headed from a cross-country flight, catching a bus from Logan and waiting, fingers crossed against last-minute snafus in travel plans. Have you ever traveled with an airline employee flying standby? The excitement and uncertainty will make you appreciate the 30 cubic feet of space allotted to you by your plane ticket, even if you still wish you could “fly for free”. Plan A has everything going to plan, Plan B is if/then if/then if/then and finally Plan D – everything has gone to hell, I’m stuck five time zones away, pick up the car and go on vacation by yourself! You’re checking your cell for updates as your co-traveler zigzags across the country (Phoenix to Minneapolis to Charlotte to Manchester) while you wonder how far the rental car is from the bus’ last stop.

This leaf-peeping road trip was charmed: all went as planned. The first night’s hotel has a front lawn populated by miniature Adirondacks in all colors of the pastel rainbow, and a crowded breakfast room filled with noisy, talkative tourists from all parts of the country. As I listen in amazement at the variety of regional accents, I notice the couple next to me, who stand out from the crowd both because they’re so quiet and they look like models for an Air France advertisement. When I initiate conversation with them, they graciously speak French very clearly and slowly, and ask me for driving directions to Boston. My travel buddy Greg, aka “Pepsipal,” shares what information he remembers about driving in Boston – I translate (perhaps superfluously) but they are  very appreciative of my efforts - there is much discussion amongst – and we part in different directions; the French to follow the Freedom Trail, and us to begin lighthouse spotting along the coast of Maine, along highway 1.

Unfortunately, absorbed in the sights crossing the Piscataqua River, we miss the turnoff to the first lighthouse, Whaleback Light, outside Kittery. Pepsipal curses and asks me if I want to double back. Although part of me wants a proper start with the very first lighthouse, there are approximately 65 working lighthouses waiting for me in Maine alone, so I make a mental note to catch this one next time. A lighthouse nerd like me needs a moment here to share a few points of information, so bear with me. Lighthouses are distinct as fingerprints to me, and here are some categories into which I mentally file them. Is the lighthouse on the mainland, or inaccessible on a rock island? How tall is it, what material is it made of? What is its distinguishing feature (white light, red light, constant light, flashing light?) Are there adjoining buildings, do people live in them, can you go up in the lighthouse? Tall white tower, red/white striped or “sparkplug” shape? Does it have a Fresnel lens – if so, what order?

We cross the York River, and turn on 1A to drive down Long Sands Beach, on York Street/Long Beach Avenue, at a snail’s pace in the traffic. The sun is warm, the light sparkles on the ocean and everything at this moment personifies my visualization of summering in New England. I want to rent one of the cottages, spend a summer falling asleep to the sound of waves, eating lobster chowder for dinner and walking on the beach. We are in “The Yorks,” comprised of the neighborhoods of Old York, York Harbor, York Beach and Cape Neddick. Cape Neddick is at the northeast end of Long Sands Beach, and on a tiny, rocky island off the tip of Cape Neddick is Nubble Light, also known as Cape Neddick Lighthouse. Nubble Light is on an island! A tiny cable car allows travel from the mainland to the island, but it’s only for the use of the lighthouse keeper. You have to “visit” the lighthouse, keeper’s house and outbuildings from afar, on Sohier Park, where we stand gazing

We walk past Fox’s but there’s a long, long line. I’m now craving ice cream – wild Maine blueberry ice cream, so we drive along Nubble Road, uphill and almost pass Brown’s Ice Cream. It’s closed, so we take Broadway back to 1A. Maybe it was Beach Street where we parked, seeing people wading in the ocean, and walked to the beach. Greg walked up the beach while I waded out as far as I could. I’d never waded in the Atlantic and this first, short experience was memorable. The sand was as soft as talcum; the water was cool but felt warm. Refreshing. I waded out as far as I could without soaking my rolled up jeans.

Continuing up 1, called Post Road, Main St, Old Post Road, York Street and Portland Road; and admiring the houses alongside, near the ocean, we arrived in Wells, Maine to pay a souvenir call on the  Lighthouse Depot at 2178 Post Road, a gold mine for lighthouse enthusiasts. I was very curious as to what Greg would purchase here, since he only has about 157 lighthouse artifacts and souvenirs in his home. I, on the other hand, have a head stuffed full of lighthouse facts and wanted a lighthouse reference book so I could clear off that shelf in my long-term memory. Although I found one, it was the size of a telephone book and I didn’t want to carry it. (Very sadly, Lighthouse Depot has since closed its doors).

Next door, at 2152 Post Road (aka Hwy 1 which greatly annoys Greg - "Why does the road keep changing its name?") Harding Rare Books is located, housed in a 14-room building resembling a red barn/airplane hangar. An employee told me the building had been added on, as needed, without any real concern for exterior beauty or interior planning. It's an amazing, delightful maze where I could have roamed endless. Need I say it was full of books? Even more impressive than the inventory was the employees’ extensive knowledge of the over 100,000 used, out-of-print and rare books in all categories, and by their abilities to give directions. Half-hourly search and rescue missions are carried out; there are survival supplies in every room (water and hardtack, yaar!!) From their website, the inventory has particular strength in Americana, maritime, New England town histories, genealogy, art and antiques as well as a wide selection of prints and maps from the 16th century through the 19th. I found classic cookbooks as well as vegan titles and one of the Duguid/Alford travel cookbooks I've lusted after. Once again, I didn't want to carry it around with me on vacation so I passed.

After Wells, there was Portland Head Light, the much photographed lighthouse maintained by the city of Portland. The site was established in 1855, the lighthouse built in 1875, automated in 1934, discontinued in 1942, and relighted in 2002 as a private service. Its original optic was 6th order Fresnel glass (Freh-NELL) currently its 250mm. The tower is 25 feet, the characteristic a flashing white light every 4 seconds. The parking is free at Fort Williams, Cape Elizabeth, you hike in and of course I had to see the fort first (kind of reminded me of Sutter’s Fort in California without the scary mummified figures lurking in the darkened rooms). Around the lighthouse, there is a stroll/view, a sidewalk of sorts with a wall, you look out over the ocean/vista and there are rocks, tide pools and far far out in the distance a cruise ship, like a big duck turd. What’s wrong with this picture? You can immerse yourself in the atmosphere amongst the 18th/19th century stage props, baking bread, mending fishnets, running back and forth in the invigorating sea air, then there is that big lump out there like an excessive jolt of reality, kind of makes you believe in alien abductions, I digress…the gift shop is so small you have to go outside to change your mind. Maine lupine flower seeds were irresistible, Greg bought a lighthouse flashlight. 

Standing next to the lighthouse tower, which has been around since 1855, you feel dwarfed by its size and history. It’s absolutely huge – I looked it up and down, trying to mentally calculate how many bushels it could hold were it a silo. The tower is very bright white, shiny and thick-looking, as if hundreds of layers of white enamel paint had been applied since 1855. In a folding chair, on the very hardy grass, sits an artist selling prints of (guess what???) a lighthouse with a rowboat docked near it. You can have your name painted on the boat. Yes, Greg bought a lighthouse print...which puts his lighthouse total at 160. You can’t go inside Portland Head Light, nor could you go inside Portland Breakwater Light, which is just off the coast of South Portland at Bug Light Park, where we next stopped. This little sparkplug, built to resemble a fourth-century Greek monument, has six Corinthian columns built into the sides and a 250-mm optic that flashes white every four seconds. (I told you they’re as distinct as fingerprints!) Right about then was when we encountered what I call the Bermuda triangle of Maine. Route 207, 77 and 1 caught Greg in their spider web once again, even though this may be the tenth time he was here – the Portland Triangle snares him every time. This is my first time in Maine, so I’m the navigator who finally got us turned around and back on 207 until we found 95 and escaped. Pemaquid was next, the lighthouse on the “Maine quarter.” We happened to show up when the lighthouse preservation society was there, and were able to climb up inside the lighthouse. Being up inside a lighthouse is amazing! You’re not really up that high, but the view seems different – which it is because you’re in a cupola with a 360 degree view. It was sunny, the ocean was dark blue, the trees were dark green – everything was beautiful and sparkly. It sounds so corny, as I read this, but I had that Disneyland feeling you get when you do something amazing for the first time – I’m up in the lighthouse! I can’t believe this! Look all around – oh no, I’m not looking forward to climbing back down that steep spiral…oh well.

On the last leg of the road trip to Bar Harbor and a drive through Acadia (Bass Harbor Head Light, fourth-order Fresnel, red light every four seconds, owned by the Coast Guard, not open to the public) we arrived in Ellsworth via Route 1 aka Route 3 aka Bucksport Road, which annoyed Greg. “Why does the road have three different names?” he grumbled. We crossed the waterway below Leonard Lake and I tried taking pictures of the river, the bridge and the leaves as we waited at the light. An instant after I took the picture, the two men standing on the bridge looking at the river turned and waved to me. Greg wanted me to go over and introduce myself. I wanted more bridge, water and fall foliage color; instead there were my two new friends.  We were looking for a gas station when we spotted a “genuine” LLBean outlet on High Street near Washington, where I bought three pairs of men's wool socks for about $20. These socks were so soft, warm, cozy and comfy that I put a pair on, as we drove to Acadia.


Hwy 1, North by NE, October 2011

(first published February 4, 2012)



We are driving along the coast of Maine, on highway 1. After crossing the York River, we turn on 1A to drive down Long Sands Beach, on Long Beach Avenue, at a snails pace in the traffic. The sun is warm, the light sparkles on the ocean and everything at this moment personifies my visualization of summering in New England. I want to rent one of the cottages, spend a summer falling asleep to the sound of waves, eating lobster chowder for dinner and walking on the beach. We are in “The Yorks,” comprised of the neighborhoods of Old York, York Harbor, York Beach and Cape Neddick. Cape Neddick is at the northeast end of Long Sands Beach, and on a tiny, rocky island off the tip of Cape Neddick is Nubble Light, also known as Cape Neddick Lighthouse. Nubble Light is on an island! A tiny cable car allows travel  from the mainland to the island, but it’s only for the use of the lighthouse keeper. You have to “visit” the lighthouse, keeper’s house and outbuildings from afar, on Sohier Park, where we stand gazing. 

We walk past Fox’s but there is a line and I’m craving ice cream made with Maine blueberries, so we drive off, eastward uphill and almost drive past Brown’s Ice Cream. It’s closed, the first ice cream stand I’ve seen in a long time. (The chains took over Northern California, and places like Brown’s are few and far in between, sadly). It may have been off Beach Street where we parked, seeing people wading in the ocean, and walked to the beach. Greg walked up the beach while I waded out as far as I could. I’d never been in the Atlantic and this first, short experience was memorable. The sand was as soft as talcum; the water felt warm but cool simultaneously – like a glass of tap water at room temp, with an ice cube. Refreshing. I waded out, careful to not allow the miniature waves to soak my rolled up jeans. 

Continuing up 1, called Post Road, Main St, Old Post Road, York Street and Portland Road; and admiring the houses alongside, near the ocean, we arrived in Wells, Maine to pay a souvenir call on the  Lighthouse Depot at 2178 Post Road, a gold mine for lighthouse enthusiasts. I was very curious as to what Greg would purchase here, since he only has about 157 lighthouse artifacts and souvenirs in his home. I, on the other hand, have a head stuffed full of lighthouse facts and wanted a lighthouse reference book so I could clear off that shelf in my long-term memory. Although I found one, it was the size of a telephone book and I didn’t want to carry it. 

Next door, at 2152 Post Road (aka Hwy 1 which annoys Pepsipal - "Why does the road keep changing its name????") is Harding Rare Books, housed in a 14-room building resembling a red barn/airplane hangar. An employee told me the building had been added on, as needed, without any real concern for exterior beauty or interior planning. It's a maze, but a delightful, amazing maze. Need I say it was full of books? I was most impressed by the inventory, by the employees’ extensive knowledge of the over 100,000 used, out-of-print and rare books in all categories, and by their abilities to give directions. Half-hourly search and rescue missions are carried out, there are survival supplies in every room (water and hardtack, yaar!!) From their website, the inventory has particular strength in Americana, maritime, New England town histories, genealogy, art and antiques as well as a wide selection of prints and maps from the 16th century through the 19th. I found classic cookbooks as well as vegan titles and one of the Duguid/Alford travel cookbooks I've lusted after. Once again, I didn't want to carry it around with me on vacation so I passed. Due to the exotic building, competent employees, Harvard library level of inventory, I can unequivocally state that Harding’s is the best used book store I’ve ever visited. Both thumbs up!

What Friendly Skies Are You Flying?

A Rant by and for Airline Employees

(first published Monday, December 12, 2011)


Fearless airline employees have confided the darkest airline secrets! This behind the scenes expose is brought to you just in time for the holiday flying season (missed Thanksgiving). What’s the biggest problem to airline staff, trying to get passengers aboard?  Passengers who don’t take responsibility for themselves!! Late passengers put a stress on EVERYBODY. It’s your responsibility to be at the airport on time, with enough time allotted for check-in, security and boarding. It doesn’t matter if there was traffic or a slow shuttle – if you show up late and want to make your flight doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Throwing your bags, yelling at airline staff and demanding to talk to a supervisor isn’t going to change the fact that you’re going to miss your flight. Of course you “have to get there” (otherwise you probably wouldn’t be there at the airport) but if it was that important, you would somehow have arrived on time. And no!!! we won’t hold the flight and inconvenience a plane full of passengers who did get there on time, for the one or two who didn’t. Get there on time!!





Read the signs in the airport. The signs are there to provide information. Check yourself in without complaining – kiosk check-in is here to stay. Half of the employees who used to work at the counter no longer work there because of kiosk check-in. Yes, the kiosk check-in replaced jobs – you will no longer get individual attention like the old days because there aren’t enough employees. Stop holding up the line and use the kiosks. They have step-by-step instructions a 3rd grader could follow but it requires a tiny bit of effort and oh my God!!! You have to read!!


Baggage – you’re allowed 50 pounds per bag, so don’t pack everything you own for a 2 day vacation. It’s been 50 pounds for years – not 51 or 52 or 53 or 75 or…we don’t care what is weighed on your bathroom scale. The airlines use business scales calibrated on a regular basis. How long has it been since the government’s department of weights and measures checked the accuracy of your bathroom scales? You packed it, you pay for it. It’s not our fault your bag is overweight and the 20 people behind you in line won’t mind waiting while you repack your bag.



You want to carry it onto the plane? You’re allowed two items (as in 1+1=2), as in one personal tem and one carry-on, not 3 or 4 or 5 items. It’s an FAA regulation that passenger carry-ons fit under the seat in front. (The FAA stands for the Federal Aviation Agency, a government agency that makes the rules for airlines and airports. Carry-on rules aren’t the whim of the airline or the employee). The airline knows what’s going to fit and what won’t – doesn’t matter how many times you tell us “I’ve always carried it on.” If it’s too large, you can’t take it. Period.



One last issue – when you’re trying to check in, get off your damn cell phone. Unless you’re the President, you’re not that important and you can call back. Stop holding up the line. 



Ellsworth, Maine

(first published from Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dunno why I liked Ellsworth, a city in and the county seat of Hancock, Maine, so much. From 2000-2010 Ellsworth was the fastest growing city in the entire state, with a growth rate of 20%. Maybe all that vigor and vitality caught my attention. We crossed a bridge, turned right, drove through town.


An instant after I took the picture, the men turned and waved. I wanted more bridge, water and local color -  instead you see my two new friends, Local Celebrities 1 and 2 who mistook me for their own private papparazzi. While we were looking for a gas station on High Street aka Highway 1 when we discovered a "genuine" LLBean outlet (not to be confused with a "pseudo" outlet like you find in a mall) so of course we had to go in.


I called it a genuine outlet because I found three comfy cozy cushy pairs of wool socks, in the men's section, size small, for about $20. They are INCREDIBLY warm, cozy and comfy.


You only see two in the picture because, ha ha!! I'm wearing the third pair!! I am extremely pleased with my purchase. Turning back onto Hwy 1 towards Bar Harbor, we were headed to Acacia when out of nowhere there was another ice cream stand alert!



Why oh why am I in the middle of Maine and everybody is all out of Wild Maine Blueberry ice cream? I forced myself to enjoy a wild raspberry, with an extra serving of napkins. Maybe Ellsworth reminded me of Mystic Pizza, except it's not on the ocean, it's not in Connecticut, and I'm not Julia Roberts.