Don't Call Me Nocciolo

(first published Sunday, October 9, 2011)

“When you order food in EE-taly,” explained Fortunata Testabella, our guide, “the person who prepares the food does not touch the money. Therefore, you stand in ticket line, make your request, pay, take ticket and then go to food line and give them ticket to get food.”

Well, the thought of specialization made sense. After all, Starbucks has the barista preparing drinks and the cashier taking payment. But there are always two lines? Trying to control my enthusiasm at the prospect of standing in line twice, having to conduct two conversations not covered in Italian 101 (Dov’e  aspetto ora?) and failing miserably.

Fortunata Testabella explained it well and we followed her guidance until the day I wanted to buy gelato at a little gelato shop in Rome, near Via Veneto. Looking for the money/food ticket person, I asked the woman behind the counter for two gelatos. (Plurals in Italians are created by changing the final vowels, e.g. a to e and o to i, hence vino vini, focaccia focaccie, gelato gelati, right? I can’t use ravioli for an example because it’s always plural so remember this the next time you says raviolis)

I asked the woman, “Due gelati?” (How wrong can you go asking for two gelatos?) She looked at me. “Two gelatos?”  “Si, certo, grazie, two gelotos.” Here is where I stumbled. I didn’t see cones, only cups, around the counter, and I wanted cones. She held up a cup, not a cone. “Cup?” Since we wanted gelato, it didn’t matter that much in what form it was served, did it? Then somebody else ordered from the other person behind the counter (so much for the money person and the food person!!!) and THEY were offered a cone!! Ooops, changed my mind. “Mi dispiace, ma preferisco uh uh “cono!” This was the worst thing that had happened to Gelato Lady all year. She put the two unsoiled by gelato cups back, and took up two cones to serve us. By the grace of God, she was going to finish this transaction and then go out on stress disability.

Gelato Lady decides to pretend I’m no longer there and proceeds to give my daughter, Sasha, the grand tour of every flavor known to humanity, in English and in Italian. Because she can. The irony of the situation was that Sasha was trying melon and pistachio every place we went.  She said those two flavors went well together and she was creating a mental tasting image of how “melone e pistachio” was in every city. Firenze, Venizia, Roma, Lago Garda and rest stops in between. Because she could. I’m sorry, green and orange ice cream eaten together, deliberately, multiple times?  

"Fragola" she announces. "Strawberry," I whisper to Sasha. Gelato Lady glares at me. "Suhtraberi."  "Cioccolato!" "Chocolate." "Mora!!!" "Blackberry." "VANIGLIA!!" "Vanilla." "Capucchino!" I say nothing. Gelato Lady is now indicating the hazelnut flavor. “Nocciolo” and she doesn’t know the word. “Hazelnut,” I tell Sasha quietly. “Nocciolo….euh euh, nocciolo e NOCCIOLO!!” Gelato Lady has decided there is no word in English for “nocciolo.” So be it.